The Universe sent me a few challenging questions today. I share my response to them and then pass them on to you.
What am I hiding from?
I am hiding from judgment, afraid that others opinions of me would be that I’m not good enough (same old).
I’m hiding from sharing my faith, not because I’m ashamed of it but because I feel I can’t express it in a way to do it justice, it’s so much bigger than my words.
I’m hiding from the tiny residual fear that trying this new way of living will still fail, I’ll gain weight, I’ll fall back into my old patterns and stay stuck in the cycle.
Why is it untrue?
The fear of judgment is untrue because it’s just the ego talking. Only God can judge. I know that, that line has actually been incorporated in a new prayer I received a few weeks ago. I’m trying to let it sink in but it’s not all the way in yet. It’s easier for me to hold that true on my own outward flowing judgments rather than upon inward flowing ones directed at me. The only opinion that truly matters at the end of the day is God’s.
My fear of sharing my faith is a fear of judgment, so the same applies. It’s untrue that I can’t express it in a way that will do it justice because that is my perfectionist voice talking. I’m sacrificing the good for the great. God is calling me to come alive and share, it will be an act of obedience to do it and I have to let go on whether it could be better. It just is. I trust that I will develop my voice and vocabulary the farther along this spiritual path I walk. I will be compassionate with myself during this process.
My fear of failure is untrue because this time things are truly different. I am more aware and mindful now, so I am in a better position to move forward effectively. But more importantly, I will not fail because I am not alone anymore and I don’t have to rely on my own power anymore, I can rely on divine power.
I also have a new way of looking at failure. Failure stems out of attachment to outcomes. I can put out into the universe my desires and goals, but I am not going to look at not getting them as failure. This is probably the hardest thing for me since it goes against my controlling, perfectionist 35 year old patterns, but surrendering my desires and goals and not attaching to the outcome will open me up to success of the kind I thought I wanted and other kinds I hadn’t even thought of. I trust God fully. I have to remember that He has a plan for my life, and if it includes “failures” He won’t waste that experience, it will become a growth opportunity or blessing in disguise.
One of my new daily prayers: