Quarantine and Conditional Happiness

The other day I caught myself thinking I just need this to be over so my life can get back on track.

And this thought came with a feeling of deja vu. I’ve never been in a quarantine before, so I don’t know why this would feel so familiar… but then it hit me.

This stay-at-home circumstance is different, but the underlying thought pattern I remember from my dieting days is the same. I call it the “I’ll be happy when…” trap. 

I just need to get through this. I just have to buckle down and power through.

And then I’ll hit my goal weight. And then I’ll finally be happy. And then life can finally start.

This thought pattern is like a well-worn groove in my brain. But the Lord showed me a way out of it.

It starts with recognizing the “I’ll be happy when…” trap when it pops up. And it WILL pop up in other areas beyond its origin.

When I first laid down dieting and began my intuitive eating journey, the “I’ll be happy when…” thoughts didn’t apply so much to my food choices or my body anymore. But I almost immediately caught myself thinking that way about this writing journey.

I’ve just got to get this book proposal done and buckle down. Then I’ll take it to the She Speaks conference and my writing career will begin.

I’ve just got to grow my platform to 10k people. Then I’ll be able to communicate this message the way I want to.

This thought pattern slipped right off dieting and fell right onto writing. And now, when I thought I beat this thing already, it’s popping up again in quarantine.

I don’t know why I’m surprised because this has never been about the specific circumstance I’m in or the challenge I’m facing. It’s been about the way I think.

Once you’re able to recognize the “I’ll be happy when…” conditional happiness thought pattern, it’s easy to see it creeping over to wherever you let it get a toe hold. 

So this is teaching me (again!) to (1) be aware and (2) refuse the toe hold. 

I will side-step this trap. I will choose differently.

I will not allow my happiness to be conditioned upon a specific outcome.

I will not delay my happiness until I cross some finish line that seems to keep moving.

I choose to be happy NOW. I invite you to join me in this choice.

We put barriers up to our own happiness by making it conditional upon a certain outcome: the quarantine being over, hitting that goal weight, achieving that career milestone, whatever it is for you.

This “I’ll be happy when…” trap robs us of present happiness and makes any future happiness attached to a specific outcome – an outcome that may or may not ever happen!

You don’t need for life to look a certain way in order to be happy. That’s what the world tells you. That’s what diet culture sells you. But it’s just not true.

All you need is to make the choice to be happy NOW, just the way the world is in this moment and just the way you are in this moment.

So join me in opting out of this just-survive-now-to-thrive-later thinking. Let’s not cheat ourselves of the thriving that can happen right now. 

There are beautiful moments passing you by and you can’t even see them because you are looking ahead. There is good happening right now that you’re missing because you’re waiting on something that you think will be better.

So let’s choose to see the beautiful moments and the good right here in the present. Let’s choose to be happy today. 

This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)